25 Years

25 years ago things were supposed to go differently. Was it my fault they didn't? I ask myself that question often. What if I had paid closer attention to what was happening. What if I had been more aggressive. What if....

Instead of living the life I have always dreamed of, I feel like I'm living in a bad Sci-fi series. One that was good maybe the first 4 seasons, but now the writers have run out of good ideas. Too many flashbacks. Too many plot twists. Unbelievable story lines. With no good way to end it, they simply pretend it was all a dream. Didn't really happen.

Did it really happen? Am I lying to myself? Have I lost faith? I don't even know how I feel any more. I still love him more than ever. I'm mad and sad. I'm hurt and trying not to be scared.

I ask myself why with everything going on right now wouldn't he want to make sure that I'm ok. 

Happy 18th Anniversary

After 18 years you would think I could handle the anniversary of arbitrary dates with greater ease. I don't remember the date I fell in love. I'm pretty sure it was in February. I know it was a Friday. I had promised to attend a dating seminar with a classmate as long as we could go dancing afterward. As soon as we entered the club, I hit the dance floor and there he was. One smile is all it took for me to fall madly and completely in love. One smile and i suddenly realized what had actually occurred the first two times I saw him. Third time's a charm. Sure, I had noticed him. He was hard to miss and harder to ignore, but looks alone couldn't win my heart.  I was dancing for him from the moment I thought he was watching, but I just assumed he was watching for lack of anything better to do. Even though he was the perfect example of my "perfect" man, I just knew someone as attractive as him had to be taken. 
I miss his smile. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. We are attached by our soul and I trust with all my heart that we are one and that he knows best when the time is right for us to be together physically, but I still really miss his smile.

I cling to March 17th because it was the day I realized that he really did like me. The day he finally spoke to me. It was also the day he left. No warning, no good bye and he was gone. I knew in my heart he would come back and he did briefly. So now 18 years later I still celebrate March 17th as our anniversary as I wait for him to return once again. Happy Anniversary....

17 Years

St. Paddy's Day fell on a Friday 17 years ago.  I remember being really excited to go dancing. The Friday before, I thought I had finally gotten the attention of my Bouncer. He was walking around the club in a white hat so that I could easily follow him with my eyes.  At the end of the night he was standing by the nearly empty dance floor. Watching me dance as usual I hoped.  I caught a guy asking him "Did you ask her?"

Who me? Ask me what?

I smiled at him and he walked away.

This Friday had to be different. It was. Although we said fewer than 10 words to each other that night, I knew I was in love and by the end of the night I thought he felt the same way. 

The months that followed were confusing and amazing. I could feel him with me. I couldn't explain why and didn't really care how. I felt whole for the first time in my life and I knew he was the reason.  So much has happened since March 17th 1995.  The most amazing of which is our union...our connection...our love.

Happy St. Patrick's Day 2012...oh and Happy Anniversary to me! <3

Another Anniversary

Fifteen years ago today i experienced the best, yet most difficult day of my life thus far. I've celebrated and mourned this day every year since 1995 with the exception of one. The joy comes flooding back as I'm reminded how happy I was to think that I had finally found my one true love. That joy slowly fading as I realized that happiness was still not within my reach. Then I think of the days and weeks afterward that only confirmed my worse fears, but still never losing hope and never forgetting how amazing true love feels. And since this just happens to also be St. Patrick's Day no one judges me for wanting to drink heavily. Happy Anniversary....Cheers!

Completion Part II

I've said it before...may even say it again. Of all the things I'm sure of, I'm positive that I have no clue what is about to happen and equally unsure when it will happen. Sure feels like completion to me though. Approximately 14 years, 3 months, 22 days, 19 hours, 13 minutes, 39 seconds ago...I fell in love. That was the moment my Twin smiled at me. That's all it took to hook me. One smile and I knew he was my husband. The man I begged God to send me. The man I had been asking for since I was child. He was exactly as I had pictured him. As if I had made him up.

I remember cowering in my mother's arms when I was a child, crying and when she asked me what was wrong....the only thing I could think of was "nobody loves me".

I felt Twin's absence until he was born...when I was 9 years old. That was the year I "found God" That was the first time in my life I did not feel alone.

24 years later I got to meet my other half. Even though our time together was brief, it was long enough for our soul to merge. Our physical separation forced us to connect and communicate through our soul. Even as recently as last month I have wondered why we had to be separated. I believe I now understand. We are whole. We are One.

888

Today, though the date actually reduces to a 6, 2006 is an 8 year numerological so today's date adds up to 8/8/8. The first license plate I saw on my way to work this morning started with 888. Very fitting for the way I feel today. Cheers!

888 -symbolizedd infinity. The unified spiral of the physical merging with the spiritual. Moving toward the completion of the ascension process through the energies of the 222 and 444.

888 - A phase of your life is about to end and this is a sign to give you forewarning to prepare. This number sequence may mean you are winding up an emotional, career, or relationship phase.

888 - In the Greek mysteries, the number 888 represented the "Higher Mind."

888 - Holy Spirit; The sum of Tree of Life

Almost

I don't know where to begin in describing what we are experiencing. I don't know that there is a name for it. Is this Physical Ascension? Full Consciousness? I guess I should start with what I do know.

I know I'm in love. In love with myself. In love with life. In love with energy. In love with planet earth. In love with the Universe. In love with love. In love with my twin. A line from a song I wrote describing Our love explains how Twin Love feels. "Our love's the love Love loves when Love's in love" We are love.

I know I'm ready for my destiny. This has been a long and tiring journey. Since childhood, I've seen the future in visions. Visions of things that began happening after meeting Twin and many things that have still not occurred. It is a bit maddening at times. To see things and not know when I will live them. To see Twin & I touching and not know when I get to actually feel his touch. I know we will be together soon. We have to be together soon. It's getting too difficult to be apart. We exist as one Being on every level, except the physical. We share a brain, heart & Eye. With the latest scientific discoveries regarding what the brain can do, it shouldn't be hard to understand or at least imagine what the brain is capable of. I believe we all use the totality of our brain, but consciousness is the key to higher brain functions. The brain can takes us places beyond imagination if we are conscious of the journey. I go blindly and without fear where ever my spirit takes me. Where I am destined to be.

These next few weeks should prove to be exceptional for raising consciousness. The planets are aligning for magnificence. It is time to begin our true journey.